final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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