i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
