if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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