I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
