I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
