i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
