the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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