I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
