If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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