So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
