there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
