So drunk its hurt
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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