You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have tasted many bathrooms
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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