Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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