i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
