I heard we made out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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