What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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