I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
