I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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