Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
