so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
