I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
