dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
