I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
