please come you make the beer taste better
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize