hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
