made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
