Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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