drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she smelled like a LAN party
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am one with the molecules
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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