**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
