I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
