Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
