i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
