I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
