remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
