shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
