he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
