Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
