I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
