My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
