walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
