All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
