so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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