Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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