also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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