he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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