she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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