Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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