Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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