We got so high we made milksteak
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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