I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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