I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
