I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
