there was a trapeze. enough said
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
