No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
