but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
