I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
