she smelled like a LAN party
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
