just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
