Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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