You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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