This is not my ceiling
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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