So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
