I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
