trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
